This post is unedited and simply written to give me a safe place to feel let down about my day.
I had my GGG planned for this week.
Yesterday, I sat down and worked on my bullet journal to plan out the week. I sat down in the evening and churned out 1,000+ words on my novel, cleaned up an article in progress, and chatted with a mom about her at-home business. It was a fantastic Go Get It kind of day. I’d also killed my step goal (8+ miles!) and stayed on target for my veggie keto diet.
Today, around 3am, I heard, “I NEED A HUG!!!! I NEED A HUG!!! I NEED A HUG!!!” coming down the hallway. I was already in fuzzy PJs because apparantly Wales is skipping summer this year, so I went to find out why this particular 3 year old was in desperate NEED A HUG land. His little face looked relieved when he saw me and, after climbing into his bed, he held out his arms for that much needed hug. (Sidenote: He shares a room with his older brother – the same brother who has literally slept through hurricanes, he also sleeps through his little brother’s shouts).
He is still in a small toddler bed, so we snuggled into it together and I waited for him to fall back asleep. It took over an hour. When I’d drift off, he’d poke my nose. Thankfully, after two years of being a non-sleeper, he usually DOES sleep through the night and we don’t hear from him til about 5am when he yells, “OPEN THE GATE! OPEN THE GATE FOR ME!” (He has a gate blocking him from leaving his room – one night we forgot to shut the gate and he went downstairs in the wee hours and brought his *scooter* back upstairs).
I went back to my room. I live in the UK and during the summer it starts getting light around 4:30am. The seagulls and birds had already started to greet the day when I went back to bed. I was up again at 6am.
One kid refused to get out of bed and needed repeatedly woken up. My husband had to leave early so I still had to dress the younger ones, make lunches, and decide if I cared enough to do makeup today (I didn’t). Another kid lost papers he needs and had a twenty minute meltdown. I left the house with the three youngest kids while he was still in meltdown land. Drop off one child and then head to the preschool to make conversation while waiting to drop off another. One poor mom asked if I was alright, I told her I wasn’t and why. She said she is dreading the teen years. I assured her it’s not the teenagers themselves, it’s just knowing all of the challenges and heartaches they feel and that none of it matters just a few years down the line. She agreed. Too many people make out that high school will be the best and most important years of your life – it’s not true.
I went back home. I was determined that when the baby napped, I’d write. I had SO many ideas and leftover momentum from the night before. I couldn’t wait! She had been napping til 10:30 or even 11 on most days and I had precious quiet. You’ve probably guessed where this is going. She didn’t fall asleep. I tried again at 10:30, she was super tired but after walking about half a mile or so it was obvious she wasn’t going to sleep. She stayed awake til it was time to walk back to the preschool to get her brother.
Back home again, make lunch for littles and attempt to do some cleaning. I hadn’t even touched my laptop yet and had passed time by reading reddit and listening to an audio book when I was walking. The youngest is getting eye teeth in so she wants held a lot. The three year old is still feeling yawnsome so he also needed extra mom time.
It is quickly time to make dinner. And then time to get my other daughter from dance class. (16,000+ steps by now). My husband lets me know he is working overtime tonight – usually he’s home by 7:30pm so overtime doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. The day is usually done by 7pm here with the youngest two in bed.
Back home. Chores worked on.
It is now 7:30pm and I’m exhausted.
I know it is partly due to my hugs being required at 3am, but it is also a mental drain of being a solo parent – as well as a stay at home parent of two wonderful, yet needy, little children. I do enjoy being a mom but confess that I often prefer political conversations with an older child over being asked to a Peppa Pig episode with a younger one.
I also confess that I’m practically counting the days until my toddler can start preschool at 2 years old (February!) and I *finally* get a few mornings to myself.
It is tempting to just read a book or to watch Netflix. I had started working on this week’s GGG. This is more important because YOU are going to have these days. You’ll have days when you support everyone else in their endeavors and only the dregs of your energy can be focused on yours.
So get a glass of ice water or find another cup of joe. Tell yourself that you can’t have a zero day – you need to step forward in at least ONE area to make sure you keep going forward. Pick it. Go.
Here are my 950 words.